


Numb

by flippantninny



Series: Bethyl Week [3]
Category: Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-19
Updated: 2014-08-19
Packaged: 2018-02-13 21:26:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2165781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flippantninny/pseuds/flippantninny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bethyl Week Day Three</p>
            </blockquote>





	Numb

**Author's Note:**

> For the third day of Bethyl Week

_Daryl felt the sun shining on his face through the window. He smiled, the familiar weight resting on his chest. They had pillows now, pillows and a bed and a bedroom and a home, and yet she still rested her head on his chest, every night. He couldn’t complain, it was a welcome weight. He shifted slightly in the bed, blinking his eyes a few times as they adjusted to the light. Her blonde hair was a mess against his chest, her pale skin soft and creamy and opposite in every way to his hard, tanned, leathery chest. She stirred, her head moving, her hair tickling him, until she was looking up at him, her eyes blinking away the sleep. He could stare into those blue eyes every day for the rest of his life and still be mesmerized by them._

 

_"Hey," she said, her hand absentmindedly tracing circles on his chest._

_"Hey," he replied, lifting his head slightly so he could press his lips to her temple._

_"You should get out of bed," she said, though she made no attempt to move herself._

_He sighed. It was the same conversation every morning. Just once, one day, could he not just stay in bed with her? Waste away the day with lazy kisses and lazy cuddles and lazy sex._

_"Why don’ we stay here," he said, "spend the day in bed."_

_Beth pulled herself closer into him, “you know we can’t,” she said, though she sounded as sad as he did that they couldn’t, “we all have jobs to do,” she reminded him, though again she relaxed her head on him, making no attempt to move._

_"You know I was talkin’ ‘bout you, right?" he asked. Suddenly it seemed very important she knew. Very important that she hadn’t forgotten._

_She moved to look up at him again, “at the funeral home?” she asked, “of course, you remind me every day,” she said._

_“‘s impor’ant,” he said. It was important. She had to know she changed him, changed his opinion of the world. Gave him hope again. She was his sunlight, she had to know that, and every day he felt annoyed with himself, annoyed he hadn’t just had the balls to tell her out right, not dance around it and leave it for her to work out._

_"I know," she replied, her eyes not leaving his._

_"I wish we could spend the rest of our lives in bed like this," he said, tightening his grip on her as though he sensed they would be moving from the bed soon._

_"Me too," she said, "I promise we will, one day, when our jobs are done, we’ll spend a whole week in bed if you want. A whole month."_

_He kissed her head again, determined he would take her up on that offer one day._

_"Unfortunately, you still have a job to do," she said, pushing herself up so she was sitting next to him, "come on, you need to get up."_

_He sighed. She was right, he couldn’t stay in this bed forever. He watched as she stood up from the bed, walking across the room, the sunlight dancing off her body._

_"You know I love you, right," he said, sitting up in the bed._

_"You might have to tell me again," she replied, only a few steps from the door now, "do your job, Daryl," she said, turning her back to him._

_Suddenly everything felt wrong. She was walking to the door and he had no idea what was on the other side, no idea where she was going. He pushed himself up as she opened the door, walking through it._

_"Beth," he called, he was on his feet, walking to the door that had already closed behind her, "Beth," he called again, grabbing the handle and pulling it open._

He woke up as he did every morning, missing the room, the bed, the company. Her words always stuck in his head, _do your job, Daryl_. He was trying. He was doing his best. He hoped she knew that, wherever she was. Knew they hadn’t given up. Knew he was out there, every day, searching for black cars with white crosses, searching for clues, searching for anything that might hint she was close.

He pushed himself out of the cot. It was uncomfortable and dug into his back and left him feeling stiff every morning. He glanced at the rest of the camp. Everyone but Rick and Michonne was sleeping. He felt a pang of jealousy when he saw Maggie and Glenn in each other’s arms. Rosita and Abraham. Sasha and Bob. That should have been him and Beth, and it could have, if he’d just been more careful, been faster, run quicker, been _better_.

"Heading out?" Rick asked as Daryl walked towards the blue pick up truck on the edge of the camp. It was his usual routine, get in the truck, pick a new corner or Georgia close to the camp to search, spend the day looking for anything, any clue, any hint of Beth, then return to camp empty handed. Some days, if convenient, he returned with supplies. Medical equipment or clothes or, more often than not, a couple of squirrels or cottontails. Usually he went alone, but everyone had joined him at some point. Mostly Rick, then sometimes Michonne and Carol, and Maggie. Daryl didn’t mind the company, he liked working alone but an extra set of eyes could do nothing but help, and he only had one priority.

"Gonna head up north a bit, see if there’s any life in that town we passed by the other week," he said, throwing his pack into the back seat.

"I’ll join ya," Rick said, grabbing his pack from beside the fire pit and making his way to the passenger side of the truck.

"Thought you were on watch?" Daryl asked. He had been hoping to spend the day alone, to wallow in his numbness and daydream of blonde hair and blue eyes with no distractions. But another pair of eyes was another pair of eyes.

"Michonne can handle an hour by herself, Maggie and Glenn’ll be taking over soon enough," Rick replied as the two men climbed into the truck.

Rick waved at Michonne, who was sitting by the fence, as they pulled out of the camp and onto the road. Daryl felt another wave of selfish jealously. Sure, Michonne and Rick were keeping it a secret for now, but he knew the two had managed to find something in each other in the two weeks since Terminus. Two weeks and it seemed like everyone had a partner and Daryl was alone but surrounded by people and Beth was somewhere, just alone.

They drove an hour in silence, trees blurring past them on either side and abandoned cars dotting the road. It didn’t take long to reach the town, maybe an hour, Daryl hadn’t really checked the time. It didn’t seem like it took too long though, and Rick hadn’t complained about wasting gas or burning sunlight, so it couldn’t have been that long. Rick hadn’t complained about anything at all. Not the Georgia heat, the loud engine, the shitty CD in the CD player that skipped half the songs and played the other half on repeat until you had to skip them yourself. Rick hadn’t said a word since they left the camp.

If Daryl had been concentrating more he might have mentioned it, asked what was on his brother’s mind. But he hadn’t been concentrating on much recently, just Beth.

They climbed out of the truck in the middle of the town after Daryl had insisted on driving through half the streets to check the back window of every car for any sign of a white cross.

There were none.

"Start with the houses," Daryl said, "she’d hide in a house. Then we can check the stores for supplies."

Rick nodded as the two of them walked to the left side of the street, silently clearing out each house and checking for any sign of Beth.

He granted himself a second of hope when he saw a yellow polo left on a bedroom floor, but it was large, not small, and it was clean, not covered in blood, an it was an obnoxious mustard yellow, not the canary yellow of Beth’s. It was all wrong.

The next few houses were as useless as the last. No sign of Beth. No sign of life. No sign of hope.

"I think we should head back," Rick said ad they finished the third street they’d worked through, "we can stop by the walmart on the way back but there’s no sign of Beth here, we’re just wasting time checking every house."

He was right. Another unsuccessful day, another day with no Beth, and more importantly another day that Beth was out there, alone or worse.

He nodded, starting to walk back to the truck.

"Listen, Daryl, we need to talk," Rick said, catching up to him an matching his pace.

Daryl didn’t like that tone. It was the tone he got when he told him Carol had been banished and they were going to give Michonne to the Governor and everyone was infected. It was a bad news tone and he didn’t want to hear whatever he had to say.

"It’s been two weeks, Abraham is getting impatient and we can’t stay at the camp forever."

Daryl nodded, he could work with that, with moving a little. He was thinking they might need to expand there search anyway, whoever took Beth had at least one car, which meant they could be anywhere in Georgia by now.

"Yeah," Daryl nodded, "we could start heading north a little, I wanna check out Atlanta."

Rick looked at him, his eyes matching his tone: sad and ready to disappoint.

"Maybe Atlanta’s not north enough, maybe we need to leave Georgia, start heading for DC."

Daryl didn’t understand. Beth wasn’t going to be in DC, they took her in Georgia, she had to still be in Georgia, or maybe a neighbouring state, but not DC. They had all the time in the world to get to DC, once they had found her.

"We gotta find Beth," was all he said.

Rick’s eyes managed to look sadder still, “Daryl I know you care about her, and we’ve been doing all we can, but it’s been two weeks with no sign of her.”

Daryl was shaking his head. Rick couldn’t give up, if Rick gave up everyone would give up. Everyone but him.

"She’s family, we ain’t leavin’ without her," he said.

"What if she’s dead?"

Silence. Silence filled the air and filled the streets and filled the whole damn town because that wasn’t a thought they were allowed to have. She wasn’t dead. She couldn’t be. Daryl had a job to do an he wasn’t going to fail.

"She’s alive," Daryl finally said.

Rick didn’t reply for a few seconds, frowning as though he was already regretting what he was about to say.

"You said the same thing about Sophia."

Daryl hadn’t seen red in a long time. He had been angry, he had wanted to kill the Governor and Gareth and all the Termites, but this was pure rage, the sort he used to feel everyday, the part of him he had buried since finding a family and finding a home and finding Beth.

He could feel his fists clenching and his knuckles whitening and he wasn’t this guy anymore, she had shown him that, _you have to put it away,_ and he wanted to, he really did, but Rick had just implied that Beth was nothing more than a second chance at finding Sophia, that Beth was just another dead girl. And he really didn’t want to hit Rick, he really didn’t, but then he really did. And before either of the men knew what was happening, Rick was on the ground with a bloody nose and Daryl was taking three steps back because now all he felt was shame. Beth would be disappointed in him. He wasn’t a guy who beat the shit out of people anymore, especially not people like Rick. Good people. Beth would be ashamed of him so he was ashamed of himself.

Rick didn’t move. He just watched as Daryl stepped back, running his hands through his hair and scratching his chin and kicking a tire of a nearby car.

"I ain’t leavin’ Georgia," he finally said.

"We can’t stay here lookin’ forever," Rick said, still sat on the ground, not yet willing to test the waters of approaching Daryl again.

"I don’t care, I don’ care if you’re right, I ain’t leavin’" he said, "you can’t ask me to leave."

He wasn’t angry anymore, he was desperate, he was pleading with Rick.

"It might be wrong, but I’m not leavin’" he said again.

 And Rick was suddenly starting to understand that the Greene girl wasn’t just another Sophia.

"Look, I’ve stood by you, I’ve had your back, every decision, every call, right or wrong, and I can’t stand by you on this, Rick. You can go to DC but I ain’t leavin’ til I find her."

Rick still wasn’t sure what to say, if he should say anything at all, because Daryl looked frantic and scared and he had never seen him like this, not even when they found Merle in Woodbury or when he found them with Joe’s gun pointed at Rick’s head.

"You can’t ask me to leave without her, Rick, she’s sunlight, everything’s dark right now and she’s sunlight and I can’t live in the dark forever, I just can’t."

He’d stopped pacing but his hands were still busy, picking at his nails, threading through his hair, rubbing his upper lip.

"I ain’t goin’ to DC unless it’s with her by my side," he said, his movements finally calming as he turned to face Rick, "I don’t want to leave you, but I can’t leave her, so do what you gotta do, I’m stayin’."

And Rick pushed himself off the ground, walked over to Daryl, and pulled him into a hug. He hadn’t expected it to be a pleasant hug, and he wasn’t surprised when he felt the redneck tense, but some things couldn’t be said with words.

"We’ll find her," Rick said as he pulled out of the short, uncomfortable, awkward hug, "I’ll tell Abraham we’re staying, he can leave, but we’re staying ‘til we find her."

Then Rick started walking back to the truck, Daryl following behind him.

That evening was loud and full of yelling about the worth of one girl compared to saving the world and how they couldn’t search the entirety of Georgia and how she was probably dead already, but Daryl didn’t bother to listen. He walked back to his cot, closing his eyes and allowing sleep to take him. As he drifted off a familiar weight lowered itself onto his chest.

_"So I’m the sunlight" she asked, and he could feel her smirk against him._

_"Shut up. You know it was you, right? You made me believe in good people."_

_"I know. Go to sleep, you need your sleep, you have a job to do tomorrow."_


End file.
